6．固定用法错误
　　To some extends, I agree with the author’s general assertion that if parents also have a comprehensive sense of professional knowledge.
　　To some extends应改为To some extent。

　　7．例证夸张
　　For example, when a doctor faces a patient who has got cancer, the doctor cannot tell the truth, for the truth may cause the patient’s immediate death.
　　虽然善意的谎言是必要的，但是其功效显然没有这么大。

　　8．成分多余
　　According to a comprehensive investigation which is carried out by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences shows that there is an increase in the number of university students who are taking part-time jobs.
　　该句中的shows that是多余的成分。

　　9．词性混乱
　　However, the questions such as "Have you ever regretted marrying your husband" may be very privacy and embarrassingly.
　　句子中的privacy和embarrassingly应该改成private和embarrassing。

　　10．时态错误
　　托福大作文一般使用现在时态，除了拿过去事件作为例子，用过去时态。
　　Some people claimed that news media has enormous influence and is a detrimental creation.
　　claimed应该改为claim。