2014考研英语复习参考:名师帮你改作文(16)
As is suggested by the picture (,) a man is walking and singing happily with a basket in his left hand and a briefcase in his right, while his dog is also running happily (along) with him. As is suggested in the picture,(It can be easily drawn from the picture that) the man must(can) be excesing(exercising like) by waving the basket and thebriefcse(briefcase) together wherever and whenever you can excise() if you want.
The picture is thought-provoking in that it endeavors to convince its audience(reader)that wherever and whenever() you can excise if you want(regardless of place and time).Nowdays (Nowadays), more and more people are working in the office and engaging in brain action (activity), as a result, most of them are lack of phiscal(phisycal) movement which add to their unhealthness (poor health). Some of them argue that they are so busy that they can't even squeenze (squeeze) time out to do excises in gym,(.) (But) but just as the picture depicts, if you would like to, you can excese(do it) when you are walking on the road, sitting on a bus, or even laying on the bed, which(all) depends onwheather (whether) you have a consciousness of excise(exercise).
I reckon that the consiousness(consciousness) of keeping healthy(exercising) isimpotant (important) to both the individual and the socialty(society). On the individual level(part) it can impove (improve) your quality of life like the man in the picture with good health and mood. On the social level(aspect) it can contribute to a harmonious society.
Sara点评:16分,文章整个结构和单词的运用都很到位,只要稍稍注意个别相近词的区别和单词的书写。上两篇作文中都出现了单词拼写错误的现象,提醒各位考生:没有把握写正确的单词,一定要慎用,以免给阅卷老师留下不好的印象,造成判分过低。
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